Turns out my weekend wasn't so plain as its usually is. Went for a function and bumped into faces i hadn't seen in a hot minute.I should start bringing my sexy back n go out and have a life. Problem is wen I go out after 1 in the am, I just wanna go home n not necessarily to bed maybe I go and hang out with my Mum til late then she kills me with her jokes, the other day she enters when- Beyonce - Drunk in Love- is playing then she goes like what is she singing- Pere pere pere-the part she sings faded faded faded, i was on the floor in tears..that's my mother for you..try singing with Pere pere funniest ish ever!
I was reflecting back and it got me thinking.how most insecurities we have come from people we used to hang out with, most times it was either our friends or even siblings would say something or point out something in us n Bam it starts building up. Being your True self is not the easiest of things with everybody around you telling you whats right or wrong, So i wonder when someone speaks with so much conviction how they know me...really??? take a back seat honey. Even i sometimes do stuff that shocks me, but you learn from your mistakes.With all the opinions flying all over, i decided that i will listen to the voice inside me, that has been compressed, and i really had to search deep within, i am constantly searching myself, trying to find that missing piece. Be it taking self assessment tests or just trying to meditate, which btw i don't think is for everyone, some of us have major ADD we just can't chill, so its abit of a challenge,, baby steps baby steps.
soooooooo ...ya i took a walk down, way down memory lane when i was still a youngin...with a little bit of an attitude, you know when you're a teenager and your self esteem is to the roof, only to join a clique then you're brought down from you high horse. Kinda like snakes and ladders, You know how that long snake takes you back to the beginning after you've broken a sweat to get to the top?..ya i'm sure you know one....ti hi hi
People think bitchiness and nastiness comes after high school, naaaah that's people being counterfeit.
When you are a teenager??? OMG the Nastiness is Real!!! No muzzle! Full throttle. and you're told to your Face! I miss those days, coz You give it to each other in Black and White!! Yaa?? yes...I actually kinda prefer that treatment, where you Keep it 100, Keep it Real, its abit cold but is alright...nothing we can't handle...than all the pecking on your cheeks while knives are being switched and fixed nicely on your back.
Most of us discovered how we exactly look in primary school, lets say if mirrors didn't exist? you had a constant reminder in school, i discovered i had full lips and big eyes in primary school, my friends used to make fun of me, some friends they were.. and the funniest thing is i didn't know that about myself, to me my features were just normal size like everyone else, nway those are the things i love about myself now, It was such that if they don't pick on u today u have a chance to laugh at the next person,when they are also dissed. When i think about it, that was madness ryt thurr.... So unnecessary.
Dealing with all that forces you to approach life in a different way.You create all this layers to protect yourself and some layers stick and other times you cover even the beautiful things about yourself in the process of hiding the ugly ones. We have given society so much power over our lives, conforming to people's needs, which have absolutely no relation to us. Every time you want to do something you think twice just in case people don't agree with it or what will they think of me??? You start second guessing yourself , and its crazy! And I'm certain each of us has at least a few times done something we didn't really want but we did for someone else. In the end we only end up hurting ourselves and it becomes so exhausting because you end up fulfilling other people's desires, which mark you..I promise. They don't even care about.
With time you've created a whole new personality to suit society, eventually you start feeling smothered and u can't take the heat, almost literally n so you are forced to start peeling off all this layers trying to find your true self .And damn! If we'd all remove all our layers? Underneath those clothes there are endless stories i tell ya.
Nway what i'm driving at is don't give other people power over your life and decisions because they will control you like a puppet and live their lives without your opinion. Do what you want, you only have your life to Live!!!!
Learn to be what you are and learn to resign with good grace all that your not -Henri Frederic
Before you can be anything you can be,You have to be yourself, that's the hardest thing to find
E.L Konigsburg
To find yourself,think for yourself - Socrates
E.L Konigsburg
To find yourself,think for yourself - Socrates
When you look at yourself in the mirror,what you see might not be what others see, but one thing for sure is what you see, is how its supposed to be. At the end of it all you will only see the world through your eyes and your eyes only..and guess what??? Its Perfect Vision!
Mad Love
Rena
